One of the down sides of reaching middle age ( i'm nearly 48 ) is that your parents get old aswell.  I thought i could deal with anything that life threw at me but this has floored me.

My mum and dad are 72 and 76 respectively, three weeks ago my mum was admitted to hospital vomitting blood.  She has aggressive lung and stomach cancer and has become a shadow of her former self.  I'm very close to my parents who have always been there for me but watching my mum slowly die and my dad become a broken man has placed enourmous pressure on me, especially as I'm an only child. More importantly I'm concerned for my dad who faces the prospect of losing the woman he's been with for 54 years.

I appreciate this is not a cheerful post but has anyone ever had a similiar experience of losing a parent because quite frankly I thought the stress of divorce was bad but watching my mum slowly fade away is pain beyond belief. 

 Im really sorry to hear about your mother, i hope god can give you and your father the strength to pull through during these hard times..

I lost a close cousin who was only 19 through cancer and it was a dreadful experience seeing them deteriorate in condition and eventually pass away.. sometimes you think life really sucks and is unfair but try keep your head up and as im sure you already do keep supporting your father in whatever way you can..

its extremely difficult, beyond belief how difficult it can prove, but we have to somehow work around what life throws at us.. im not sure if your religious minded or not, but if you are keep praying for patience and support..

I can empathise Massively. Although I havent lost my parents yet, I know I will one day.

Howver I have had to deal with watching both of them become broken people in the last year (In particular my Dad) you may know I  lost my brother to Suicide last year, although it was very bad for me the long term helping my Dad Grieve has been almost more difficult.

Steve I know your a sensible bloke, I would seriously advise some specialist councilling even at this stage, having a third party too talk too is exceptionally important and if they are a good councilor they will give you strategies on how to cope with your dad....  

TBH sometimes I grive for my parents too as they are not the people they once where, bear in mind yourself and dont supress too much.

I have had a bit of counciling, not so much for my own well being but on how I deal with my dads grief and too help him.

If you havent got someone impartial too talk too I would say the above advise essential..

Ever you want a chat even over PM etc just send me a message, my thoughts are with you and you lads..

Really sorry  for you and your family Steve.

Ive just been through the same thing. Mum died on the 25th Jan this year, she had breast cancer. Had her breast removed last May and we thought she was getting there until Christmas day she said she wasnt feeling to good, thought nothing about it as we thought she had a bug or something as she had a check up a few weeks before.

She went down hill the beginning of the year, it was her birthday on the 10th Jan but she didnt really want to know she just wanted it to be quiet, just close family. Things went from bad to worse a few days later, i had to carry her upstairs to bed and she never made it back down again until we had to get her admitted to hospital on the 21st Jan 4 days later she was gone.

She was 84 when she died and with her living with me i miss her even more.

Fingers crossed that your mum picks up again and is out and about in the coming weeks matey.

Whilst each of us react in different ways to the pain of losing someone close, the grief is overwhelming and I still feel the raw emotion five years on.

My experience is of seeing someone who was the heart of our family fade away at the end of a six year illness. Being utterly helpless to change anything did not help me to cope with the loss.

I am unable to say much more as I know I won't be able to hold it together. If I may say, it is clear that you love your parents dearly and it is this love that will see you through the darkest days, providing you with the strength to support your dad. It is important to bear in mind that memories are not all filled with pain - there are the good times when you laughed together, when you achieved things together, when you experienced things together and when you were there for each other. These are the times that will always be in our memories.

You have shown a strength of character to be able to post here: I have not been capable of really speaking about my loss to anyone, even to my dearest friend, and I feel now that being able to talk about it would have helped me. The benefit of experience is knowing what to expect and there are many people here who will listen and guide you if and when you wish to talk.

Nigel.

Really sorry to read this mate, I'm 22 & lost my mum to cancer when I was 10, it still kills me today sometimes when I think about her, I think about the things I shouldn't have said & the things I should've said. She suffered with cancer for a very long time, had a number of operations, even one that took 24 hours if I remember correctly, when I think about the pain she went through, I just think maybe it was for the best, without sounding harsh.

I hope she pulls through & wish your family luck through this painful time.

Hi mate, sorry to hear about your mum. I lost my dad when I was 18 & it was the hardest thing I had experienced in my life & it will be for you when & if it happens. My dad suffered with kidney problems & basically he was never himself which was painful for me to see. But your dad will suffer the most & you will need to be there for him. Your friends & family will help you & give you good support, so mate just be strong for yourself & for your dad.

I have not lost a parent, but I was very close to my Grandparents (we lived with them for quite some time they were/are more like parents) my Grandad was 74 when he died of Cancer.  It was the most horrific thing that I have ever had to go through, in the end the person before me wasn't my Grandad.  Like you say he was just a shell, so I focused on the fond memories instead thought of all the time we had spent together and all the things we had done.

Helping my Grandma deal with it though has been a very different task, she took it very hard (as you would expect after 50+ years of marriage) we tried counselling for her which she found too difficult, she also had to become more independant like taking herself out into town on her own etc.  It has been a daily battle for the last five years trying to keep her sprits up, which can be very hard when she rings saying that she wishes she was dead etc.

Just let your dad know that you are there for him, plus don't forget to get your kids to help aswell, I know that for my Grandma having us and Great Grandchildren has been what has kept her going.

I hope you pull through it all

Ian

So sorry for your family and people who have lost a member of family.

I lost my dad when I was 17, it's been a while since this has happened. However I cannot still believe it. Also believe it or not, I did not see him for a year and a half, then he just passed away! Reason was that I was out of my home country for my studies.

You see one way or another we loose people, and this is life I'm afraid. As a young man I cannot really advice you as you have lived longer and certainly have more experience. But keep busy, do not think too much. Most important thing is that you all love each other and have been and are there for each other.

Hope everything goes well.

Matin.

Some heavy reading in this thread. I can't offer much in the way of advice Cluke other than how sorry I am to hear about your mum.

I think Andymac's advice is spot on - don't bottle everything up, get things off your chest. If you can't, or don't want, to talk to your family then maybe a friend or a counsellor. Anyone that will listen. Of course, we're always here for fellow members too, don't forget.

All the best wishes to you and your family.

 I was in a similar spot about 5 years ago, well sort of. My dad fell suddenly ill one day, by the end of the day he was diagnosed with cancer of the osophogous (sp) and taken into hospital that day, and operated on next day. He was in intestive care for 3 weeks, pipes, machines from everywhere, scary shoot.

Luckily he made a full recovery but touch wood has been fine and clear since, even though he has to live with having half of his windpipe/stomach missing and the implications like being unable to work, lift, sleep on his side etc, he's still one of the lucky ones, along with a mate of mine who had bowel cancer at 15, and now lives with a bag and half his internals missing. I have also sadly seen the other side when wifeys uncle was diagnosed with cancer of the major organs, and went downhill very quickly, which was very hard to watch. The end was terribly sad; an awful way to go. All the above are the reason why I will always put my hands in my pocket for a cancer charity.  

TBH it all happened so fast that I didn't really have time to get worked up about it, and before I knew it he came out the other side. I'm not one to show my emotions anyway really so I don't know how I would have dealt with the worst. I can't really offer any advice apart from my best wishes having been in a similarly dark situation as you.  

 sorry to hear this mate, cant offer you much advice, just want you to know i'm thinking of you and your family through this hard time.

Jack

Sorry to hear that.

I would say listen to AndyMac and get some advise from a counciler if nothing else.

 My mum died last Friday, may this very special woman rest in peace.

Sorry to hear that, Cluke. May she rest in peace.

So sad to hear this Cluke. May she rest in peace mate.

Sorry to read this Cluke. All I can offer from the other end of a PC is my deepest sympathies to you and your family for your loss, but I think I can speak for everyone else that there are plenty of people on here willing to listen and talk if it helps you at all.